Whenever people are upset or really anxious I try really hard to ignore them or not give a shit because no one does anything for me when I have my anxiety attacks. Nobody cares. I try not to care, but the truth is that I’m human. All I do is care and it sucks.
I’m not sure if I’m alone on this, but it’s something that I needed to write down. It has to do with happiness. Lately I haven’t been able to think of a logical sentence to come up with how I’ve been feeling for the past few months, but I did earlier. You know that high from drugs you get where nothing matters and everything is perfect? Then, once you feel that high go away reality sets in and you’re back where you started? That’s me with happiness. I can’t remember the last time I was truly happy. I have little happy moments. A high of happiness I guess. I could be with friends or with family and I would be laughing or smiling then I just feel the happiness dissipate after a couple hours and fall back into being unhappy. When that happens, it literally feels like I’m falling down a deep pit into a dark empty room just waiting to get brought back up and I’m begging to be let out. I don’t want to be there. It’s scary and dark. I’ve been there before. Now I’m just waiting for that next high. Am I the only one that feels like this?
I GOT CHIPOTLE GUYS!!
Forever craving chipotle